Helpless

It’s hard for me to speak this confession,
when I know I have to mention,
the depths of my deepest darkest depressions —
the ones that make me feel so helpless,
it’s hellish,
but worst of all,
I always feel so selfishly selfish..

Living the life I live with my secrets of addiction,
inevitably lead to a variety of frivolous frictions,
that work hard against my healthy life missions..

The truth is,
I’m so terribly ashamed and there’s no one else to blame,
for this secret life I’ve so shamefully maintained..
I feel drained,
from so much strain of endless pain and nothing gained —
It’s like I’m locked up and chained..
I need help to make change..
Please help stop this feeling,
that makes me feel so very deranged..
Please stop the isolation,
it just leads to too much frustrating frustrations..

They see me as nothing but a liar,
sneaking around to get the fixes I desire,
making excuses to find the time to acquire..
Oh the satire,
that the life I once lived,
was nothing like this once before prior..
Before I got caught up,
and set it all on fire,
was just too easy to transpire —
like the flick of a Bic lighter..

Should have known to not play with fire,
should have known that flames have no shame in seeking their desires..
Why didn’t I just stop and retire?
Instead I said to myself I was getting ahead,
but in reality I was only getting closer and closer to making my deathbed,
exponentially fueling the multiplier,
each and every time I chose to soar higher and higher..

Now I’ve got nowhere to go,
nothing to show..
I’ve been displaced,
but I guess that’s what happens,
when I can’t keep pace while navigating life’s rat race..
What a shame,
a terrible disgrace..

Nothing left now,
it’s just me and my guilt packed tightly away in my suitcase..
At least let me find a place,
that I can make into my very own safe space..
Someplace with a solid foundation,
free from the vices that embrace my temptations..

drops 🎤✌🏽

🌻🌿